6 Life Changing Tips for Rocking Life with Two Kids
I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for how hard going from one to two kids would be. I don’t say that to scare you if you’re in the season of anxiously awaiting baby number two. But I won’t lie, the transition has not been anything like I was expecting. It’s been hard, messy, exhausting, full of emotions and tears but oh so beautiful and full of so many sweet moments and laughs too.
I’ve always seen people question which transition was harder, 0-1, 1-2, 2-3 etc. And every time I saw this conversation come up, it seemed like an overwhelming number of people felt the transition from 0-1 was the hardest. So, to be honest, I didn’t worry too much about bringing another little one into this world. We did it once before, we could do it again, right? Of course, I had some anxieties about how I was going to manage it all, but worried? Not really at all.
But looking back now, I wish I would have prepared myself a little more for the transition, especially mentally. It’s not just the typical postpartum struggles. The sleepless nights, the constant changing of diapers, the feedings, the naps. It’s feeling like you’re missing out on your oldest growing up. And sitting on the couch rocking a newborn while you have to just watch your oldest play. It’s having to tell your oldest you can’t hold them because you’re wearing your baby for a nap. And trying to manage two completely different schedules. It’s trying to find time to work, take care of the house, keep two kids alive and happy and somehow be a wife, daughter and friend too.
It’s hard. But I will say, over the past couple months, we’ve slowly gotten into a new routine. A new normal for our family. It’s becoming easier to have time with my oldest and watching him be a big brother is the best. I hope by sharing a few things that have really helped our transition, it might help you in yours or prepare for the season ahead. Here are my 6 life changing tips for rocking life with two kids.
Plan alone time with your oldest
One of the HARDEST parts of transitioning to two kids for me has been missing my oldest. Even though I am home with him, I feel like the demand of a newborn leaves me watching my oldest grow up from afar. It breaks my heart hearing him ask where I am or call for me and I can’t come right away. And it’s hard not being able to play with him as much as I used to because I have to hold Raelynn for naps. It almost feels like I’m just a bystander in his life right now. I know he won’t remember this time and I’m trying to remember it’s just a season. But it’s hard not to miss him. Even with him right in front of me.
I have really tried to be as proactive as possible, taking time for just him and me. When it was warmer, we’d go on walks or play outside. And now that time looks like Bryan feeding Raelynn after dinner while I play with Brayden inside. I also plan to start taking him on little dates just the two of us. Having this alone time with him is something I truly cherish, and I know we both walk away from it happier and our hearts fuller.
Batch work your days
This is the number one way I get anything done. No seriously. It is KEY. Not just in my business, but in prioritizing things around the house too. Batch working is dedicating certain tasks to certain day every week. So, each day might only have one to two must do tasks instead of a long list that never seems to get done. This allows you to make a realistic schedule for you and your family and help you get into a new routine with two kids. It’s less overwhelming and more manageable.
For example, you might do laundry on Mondays, go to the grocery store on Wednesdays and clean on Fridays. Then when things inevitably don’t go as smoothly as you’d hoped, you aren’t left feeling overwhelmed with a million things still on your to do list. You just have one or two things to tackle that day. You’re happier, less overwhelmed, less stressed and it gives you more time (and energy) to spend with your little ones.
Schedule time with your partner
Before your kids, there were you two. And that relationship is still important. If I’m being honest, time with Bryan often comes last on the list. We even joked about it the other night. But the more we neglect our relationship, the more disconnect and struggle there will be. And these things can quickly wipe through every single aspect of your home and relationship. I’m not a relationship expert, but I do know that quality time with your partner is important!
Bryan and I spend time together at night after the kids go to bed and in the morning before they get up. We don’t do much. Watch tv, talk, even lay in bed taking Buzzfeed quizzes. Even as I sit here typing this, I’m on the bed working and he’s working at the desk in my office. It’s time together and it’s one of my favorite parts of the day.
We also plan to have weekly date nights in the new year. Before we were a family of four, we were a family of two. And that relationship matters just as much as our kids do. Don’t forget to take care of that relationship just as much as you take care of your kids.
Include your oldest
While I don’t think Brayden fully grasps the concept of another little human in his life quite yet, watching him become a big brother has been the biggest blessing. And he LOVES helping us with “baby” as he calls Raelynn. He gets so happy bringing her her paci or bringing us a diaper. Seriously, he always has the biggest smile on his face. So, it’s something we continuously ask him to do so he feels special in the day to day of life with a newborn.
We’ve also been trying to have family time every night even if right now that just looks like watching Cars or playing on the floor together. I feel like this allows them to spend time together and bond even though Raelynn isn’t old enough to really play or interact with Brayden yet. It’s starting to create that routine for both of them. Again, I’m not an expert here, but this has helped a lot with our transition. For us as parents and also for Brayden.
Another tip I’ve learned, although we haven’t had to implement it yet, is having an activity or snack box for your oldest while you feed and/or hold your newborn. And it is only used for those specific times. That way they feel special during that time when your attention is mainly on your baby.
Ask for help & communicate your needs
Whew, this is a HARD one, isn’t it?! This is definitely important whether you have one kid or 10, but I wanted to include it on this list because it’s definitely something us moms often neglect. But can I let you in on a little secret? Your partner, your family and your friends don’t know what you really need unless you tell them. It took me a long time to realize this. I just expected Bryan to know I was struggling and know how to fix it. But he’s not a mind reader and neither are the ones around you.
My first tip with asking for help and communicating your needs to your partner? Tell the person what you need. Instead of “do you care if I shower?” Phrase it as “I am going to shower.” The way you talk and ask questions for your needs speaks volumes to how you view your needs and support yourself. It goes from asking permission to communicating your needs. Your needs ARE important. They ARE valid. And you deserve to have them fulfilled too.
Some other things you can do to help is have weekly “meetings” with your partner to communicate what you need help with in the coming week and do a mental/emotional health check for both of you. That way you both feel supported and in this parenthood journey together. You can also be open with your parents or other family members and ask them for help. It doesn’t make you weak or less than, I promise.
For example, I recently asked my mom to watch Raelynn on Tuesdays and Thursdays while Brayden is at school so I can have uninterrupted work time. Not going to lie, I put off asking her for so long because I felt like I should be able to manage it all. That somehow it was a burden to her. But we all need a village and it’s okay to rely on them from time to time too.
Delegate responsibilities
This sort of goes along with the tip above, but delegating responsibilities between your partner and you (or family members or whoever is helping you) can really make day to day tasks not feel so overwhelming. For example, my husband does the dishes, cleans the litter box, takes out the trash, mows and shovels. Whereas I clean the bathrooms, vacuum, dust, clean the kitchen and clean up messes. Teamwork makes the dream work baby.
While I’m not an expert and I DEFINITELY don’t have this whole mom thing figured out (surviving off day five hair and multiple cups of coffee over here), I feel like we are slowly starting to get into a routine as a family of four and figure out what works best for our family. These tips are things I’ve learned along the way that have made a huge difference in the transition from one to two kids. And I hope by sharing our experiences and what helps our family, you might find the transition from one to two kids just a little bit easier too. Eh, who am I kidding, it’ll always be chaos over here. But hey, at least it’s somewhat organized and a beautiful chaos that’s all our own.
Until next time friends!
XOXO
Kelsey
